Now Playing Tracks

nutella-fandom:

coloneldapper:

you-numpty:

gabenewell-thesexdragon:

georges-ear:

hippity-hoppity-brigade:

Why do I feel like this needs a Dr. Suess rhyme to go with it?

Then the Dark Lord gave Draco a pat. 

It wasn’t a hat. 

It wasn’t a cat. 

Draco did not like the feel of this pat. 

It was a strange pat and he did not like that. 

It was a strange pat and he did not like that. 

Draco would rather a hat to that pat,

A cat or a rat, or even a bat.

But what Draco received was no cat nor no hat,

It was simply a pat, and that was that.

shaking and crying.

oh my god

All around found that pat rather odd!

kevindrakewriter:

mademoisellejacqui:

julianathursday:

cas-get-into-my-ass:

“Leo had slammed his hand on the table countless times and he moved his hand further and he crushed a crystal cordial glass. Blood was dripping down his hand. He never broke character. He kept going. He was in such a zone. It was very intense. He required stitches.”

WHERE

IS

HIS

OSCAR

The poor man has literally given them blood.

Oh. He’s doing it for the gift bags.

(Source: its-blee)

hisangelandimpala:

un-be-fucking-lievable:

prongsmydeer:

pottergenes:

james turning down every hogsmeade invitation by telling them he’s going stag

Sirius spreading a rumour that he has a cat just so when people ask him about it he can go, “Nah, I’m a dog person.”

Peter being loud so when a teacher chews him out, he can promise to be “quiet as a mouse”

Remus skipping meals so people can hear his stomach grumbling and he can apologise for being “hungry like the wolf.”

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad:

    Why the hell did you put a comma there?

  • Dad:

    Do you even know what a participial phrase is?

  • Dad:

    Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.

  • Dad:

    Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?

  • Dad:

    Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.

  • Dad:

    Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.

  • Dad:

    I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.

  • Dad:

    Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.

  • Dad:

    Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.

  • Dad:

    Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.

  • Dad:

    It's like you didn't read the fucking book.

  • Dad:

    Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.

  • Dad:

    *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*

  • Dad:

    My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.

  • Dad:

    Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...

  • Dad:

    Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.

  • Dad:

    I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.

  • Dad:

    Fuck the government.

  • Dad:

    Fuck the school board.

  • Dad:

    Close the door.

  • Dad:

    Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.

  • Dad:

    I love puns.

  • Dad:

    People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.

  • Dad:

    Please shut up.

  • Dad:

    Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.

  • Dad:

    I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.

  • Dad:

    I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.

  • Dad:

    You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.

  • Dad:

    Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.

  • Dad:

    I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.

  • Dad:

    If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.

  • Dad:

    They act like I care what they think.

  • Dad:

    I hate homework.

  • Dad:

    I have decided to become a politician.

  • Dad:

    What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

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